i'm having a fight/disagreement/issues with a friend, i think she's still my friend, that remains to be seen.
i wont go into details
first of all, it was my fault.
second of all, i didn't mean it.
third of all, i've accepted both my fault and intentions.
i gave myself over a month to shoulder the guilt, then i moved on cause i was tired of feeling as if i failed this person. i helped this person out a lot when i didn't have to. i gave myself over as a friend. its what friends do. i also thought that friends come to that person and talk to them before deciding that they no longer want anything to do with them.
Faq's
Yes! We were good friends. I can't explain just how good, but we were closerthanclose.
No! I didn't steal her man.
Actually, this was the first time we've ever had a fight/disagreement/argument.
Except, it was very one sided, I didn't get to say my piece at all. it was if i wasn't allowed to say "Waitaminute, hold on, let me explain..." She didn't wanna hear all dat shit. Ok...if that's the way you want it.
I can't say that makes me feel good. I'm bad with not having closure. I'm bad with not being allowed to present my case. This situation has provided two conclusions:
1. I must go to law school.
2. I can't give people more than they give me.
From now on, it must be even with no expectations. That way no one gets hurt.
oh and lastly,
recognize love when it comes to you. value the people around you and realize that if you start to judge them, speak out and say something before you lose them, and face the consequences. its like when it smells like fart in the room and no one says anything, be the first one to say "SOMEONE FARTED!" laugh about it and move on. OR spray renuzit and move on. dont ever fake it with your friend, if you feel something, say it and put it out there. plenty of times i didn't do that, and i should have, it would have made me more comfortable before the end. and if you make a mistake, dont ever shy from it, OWN IT , it builds character. i owned up to it and have sat in the fire all the while. its not easy but you do it. Rumi wants it that way.
i'm not making light of the situation, we had some really, really, really, good times. she's one of my favorite people, but the fact that she wont hear me out or acknowledge my mistake (and I dont mean acknowledge and move on, i mean recognize i didn't mean to hurt her, AT ALL) is like king james, it speaks volumes.
i've been kicked over and over, this is not a kick, its a punt. so i will call it a technical foul, dust off the grass and continue the game.
i do hope we make up someday.
if not, we have the good times to remember.
