maintenance report

oh, i know someone DONT like it!

wow. someone has the nerve to HHH on me cause they ass' cover got BLIZZOWN. they aren't on myspace, they are from a life once lived....

he knows who he is, and he who shall NOT be named, is a mistake i had to make to get to now.

you dont know how good it felt to write his ass an email showing my disdain and contempt for his lame ass.

here's more that i should have wrote, but i'm not ready to break a man down on a monday:

1- i faked it, each and every time...

2- i'd love to take you to small claims for the $$ you owe me, but i'm a bigger person than that.

3 - you ain't shit and ya momma did a horrible job of raising you.

4 - your handwriting led me to thinking differently of you.

5- you're not that mysterious, and a horrible liar.

6- God, I had to fake it, you took FOR-EV-ER.

7- Your fashion sense - so 1993.

8- Hair? You paid people to cut it like that.

9- I was clearly out of my mind the entire time we spent together.

10- All of my friends think you're the biggest dork and loser.

the girls at "kitson"

i bought into it for a minute. the whole idea of kitson as a store, a brand, a place of worship for some.

i worked there for a x-mas season and it was a nightmare. it was like being on america's top model.
i was there for 1 thing, the money. i could give a shit less about anything else going on there, the celebrity clientele, the sightings, the paparazzi, the high end real estate.

but i recently remembered something some skank that worked there (and still does) said to me as we oogled a very pregnant football trophy wife dallying about the store loading her basket with thousand dollar items.

i say "jesus, maybe if i freshen up and wear shorter skirts i can grab me a man who'll let me spend thousands of dollars on bullshit i don't need.."

she says "honey, its gonna take a lot more than that...."

BITCH.

can i put you on blast for a minute...you work at KITSON. Albeit popular, that is what US Weekly has rought, an overpriced emporioum of craptastic little chotchkes that won't mean shit when you can't pay rent.

Here Mr. Landlord, I have these great pair of True Religion jeans and a bedazzled cell phone cozy in place of my rent, you KNOW i'm good for it.

OK, that's ONE. TWO - it is NOT my goal to turn myself into some aerobicized bimbette in order to land a man who wants to keep me satiated, barefoot and pregnant while he globtrots around the world, crushing groupies.

and THREE, only in LA is it ok for some tired ass bitch from Laguna Beach to not fear of being dealt with by a broad from the Bay.

I swear to the lord.

hate.
hate.
hate.

when you care enough...

to send the very best...

this happened to me.

ATMs may be an easy target for thieves, a new report says lax bank security allows phishers to feast on 'white card' fraud.

don't you know BANK OF AMERICA, yes BANK OF AMERICA had the nerve to reject my first attempt of getting my money back? someone stole $1000 from my bank account and BOFA says it was probably someone I know. so not only would they not give me my money back (right away) but they made me paranoid (more than usual.)

You know what I say to that. BANK OF AMERICA, you think just cause you are called the BANK OF AMERICA, that is somehow supposed to make your customers feel better about everything. Like you can take care of the world like Allstate.

I love that it took me like 4 days and 20 calls and a threat to bomb you to get my money back. I guess I can be glad you haven't sent the Feds to my house. (yet.) I hate you.

someone's pisssssed....

Well damn girl, if we'd seen you witcho man mo' often- maybe we wouldn't jump to conclusions (mat.) so much about it!!!!

I mean really, what do you expect us to think? Y'all are happy? doing just grrreat! Word to tha un-wise, when the media starts talking up a blue streak in the press about a topic that makes celebs bristle-its cause its prolly tru.

Still, I gotta hand it to Miss Thang. She is really doing for herself against all odds.

why everytime i come into the kitchen...

jesse jackson.

go away.

if i yell at my momma in public, will you chastise me for being a young black woman desecrating the last 25 years my mother has spent honing her parenting to raise me to be the kind of young woman who doesn't tell her mother to stop being so nosey at Nordstrom's?

if i call the buster careening in and out of lanes in the rusted out Delta 88 that he's a bitch ass n-gga, does that not make me a concerned citizen? no i'm bringing down the entire black race for wishing i could put my foot in his ass. would i be as quick to judge if it were a white driver? yes.

do you have to always save the world. we know you are a captain sav-a-hoe but must you get in everyone's biz-nass?

my mom has hated on you since i was knee high to a turnip. she also thinks you have something to do with Doctor King's death. we wont go into that.

rainbow push this, you aren't foolin anybody! who pays for those trips you get to Tbilisi, Iraq and loverly Afghanistan?

I hear you man, I get that- you believe in world peace...you use that good ol' prayer but I ain't raisin' my hand for that shit! Could you imagine?

"we love your candid insight, your overall realistic thoughts on the current state of politics...please joined us in the anbar province for tea, crumpets and a chance to have your face blown off in the town marketplace...won't you join?"

nah...i'll pass. i've got a vacation coming up with my mom's in cancun. they gon have to resurrect gandi for that one.

you are no doctor king. but i like your rhyme. you get the official "hatehatehate" award of the week. mwah! who hates you?