maintenance report

where is suri cruise?

Where the hell is Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' "baby"? I mean seriously, Brad and Angelina threw their baby out there immediately thankfully completely satiating my thirst for the infant and now I can go back to restful sleep.

But you can lead the world all the way to its "birth" and then not deliver the goods. Where's the baby? Any baby? Some kind of baby? Your friend's baby? Then he has the audacity to keep traipsing around the world without it, so its never been outside? It doesn't know what daylight is or what the inside of a Ralph's looks like? It needs to interact with others. It has a whole group of kids you can schedule a playdate with, Sean P, Shiloh, Kingston, Sadie, Johnny, Bluebell Madonna, Katie Sugar etc..etc.. so on, so forth...

Let's see this thing and get it over with, we promise we wont laugh.

Good Morning America...

...here's your American Idol.

not that it even matters anymore, but for what its worth- this has become quite an obnoxious process.

father of the century

i mean....

if i didn't know it was THE bobby brown, king of r&b (or ribs and blunts) i'd think this was some punk ass pimp from compton...if you find a trace of happiness on any of their faces...please let me know so that i can see! they look so miserable! his son looks like buckwheat, his other illegitimate child behind them looks like someone just ask her "is he the best dad in the world?" and she went "ummmmmm...." and Bobbi Kristina, front and center that's Whitney's child!

I feel like she is just constantly disappointed by the whole damn affair. She screams at Whit and Bob, (cause if they were friends of mine, I'd call them that and they'd love it!!!)

"Shit- Do you think Will Smith's kids gotta fish "Fresh Prince's" head outta toilet each morning...No! - Kimora Simmons' kids don't gotta clean up the baking soda and scales everyday and wipe piss off dey mama's mowf! You think Eddie Murphy's daughter has to clean vomit out of the pool every night after your orgies? Nah! So how you gon' be the queen of r and b (rocks and base) and have me ass out like this? My belly all hanging out - eyes all bugged like I'm a starving child...and have you heard of an ionic straightener? cause this churchlady press n' curl y'all got me in is TI-RED. Puhleeze. Beyonce?! Madonna?! Somebody! Save me!

how can someone gifted with talent blow it all away on well...blow? he just slipped into that b.a.n role so easy too! Jaw all tilted to the side, wearing clothes he bought at costco during a bail jump.

it really saddens me, i never saw this coming.

okay, i did.

stop kissing!

dear tom and kate, tomkat, whatever.

even if you assclowns rang my doorbell, offered me half of each of your salaries for the rest of my life, cleaned the periphery of my living room with your tongue, washed all my clothes for a week, cooked breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks, washed my car, picked up my dry cleaning, organized and defragged my computer, installed the latest OS and partitioned the drive, paid my rent in pennies, and cleaned up my credit report, i still wouldn't go see her movie. War of the Worlds I will go and see.

I grew up on Tom Cruise, I never watched Dawson's Creek nor had an interest so please stop shoving her down my throat! And yours...gross! You see what its doing to her...good lord, do you have to whip it on 'em so quick...calm down.

Oh yay! Pee Wee's Playhouse is back

Oh its not? Oh so he looks like a damn fool for no reason? Oh ok.

Then I guess its ok, as long as he's got a Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch burger under that frickin' hat. Freak.

renee & kenny

what is this about? i know its like a week old, but why does she look malnourished?

not malnourished like lindsay lohan who just looks lost and dazed, not malnourished like nicole ritchie who is just having a playful battle with her childhood friend, paris, over who can look more sickly.  not like ally mcbeal who was simply just anorexic and dying to get laid, or like marc anthony who is clearly the walking dead (when there's no more room in hell...) not like nicole kidman who if she'd only gain 10 pounds, would look SO much better...Renee literally looks like she is about to become an actual lemon.

i wish she'd fake and bake. just once. try it! its cheaper in LA.

but at least there in love...aww...bony, bald, southern, country, carolinahererra, you had me at hello-y'all love. aww.

i still dont get it.